Tremendous Focus

Day TWO

Attended the 4:30 class at my local studio and I purposely moved to the hotter part of the room so that I could try a new spot and have a juicy class.  I took the front row again and there were at least 3 newbies.  The teacher, Greg, was a newbie too, who just got back from teacher training.

My body remained opened and it yielded to going deeper and I was grateful despite the various, crumpled Kleenex that lay at the top of my mat by the end of class.

Today took tremendous focus and concentration.

The student directly behind me drank water just after awkward and Greg didn't say anything.  Students were drinking while people were in the postures and in between sets. 

Two rows behind me was a newbie.  The poor thing had had it by the time we finished the first set of balancing stick.  By the time we got to the floor series, she was sitting up and facing away from the class.  And by the time we got to head to knee with stretching pose, she was on her belly and with her arms up as if in surrender.

And there were a lot of fidgeters.

I found myself in the beginning questioning the newbie teacher.  "Why doesn't Greg say something to the girl when she drank water after awkward?  Why doesn't Greg tell the newbie to keep her head above her heart?  Why doesn't Greg do this?  Why doesn't he do that?"  After a million other questions, my mind yelled back at me, "Who the hell is the teacher here, YOU or GREG?  Greg.  Good.  Glad we got that straight.  LET. IT. GO." 

In general, I've always been the kind of person who wants to help, who wants to solve things for others, who wants to carry other people's crosses.  My heart breaks when I watch people suffer.  I've had to learn many times in the hardest of ways that people often need to figure it out for themselves.  A wise friend once advised me about a guy I fell in love with for all the wrong reasons, "You can't save him.  You can only support him."  It took me a year to figure out what she meant, as I walked away from that relationship with a broken heart and shattered self-esteem.

As I learned in life, I could only support the newbie and the drinkers and the fidgeters.  I could only share with them my energy, my focus, and my lightheartedness.  I smiled at myself right before I tucked in my chin in standing forehead to knee.  When I fell backwards out of toe stand, I laughed.  Yeah.  They just had to figure it out for themselves.