Tremendous Focus

Day TWO

Attended the 4:30 class at my local studio and I purposely moved to the hotter part of the room so that I could try a new spot and have a juicy class.  I took the front row again and there were at least 3 newbies.  The teacher, Greg, was a newbie too, who just got back from teacher training.

My body remained opened and it yielded to going deeper and I was grateful despite the various, crumpled Kleenex that lay at the top of my mat by the end of class.

Today took tremendous focus and concentration.

The student directly behind me drank water just after awkward and Greg didn't say anything.  Students were drinking while people were in the postures and in between sets. 

Two rows behind me was a newbie.  The poor thing had had it by the time we finished the first set of balancing stick.  By the time we got to the floor series, she was sitting up and facing away from the class.  And by the time we got to head to knee with stretching pose, she was on her belly and with her arms up as if in surrender.

And there were a lot of fidgeters.

I found myself in the beginning questioning the newbie teacher.  "Why doesn't Greg say something to the girl when she drank water after awkward?  Why doesn't Greg tell the newbie to keep her head above her heart?  Why doesn't Greg do this?  Why doesn't he do that?"  After a million other questions, my mind yelled back at me, "Who the hell is the teacher here, YOU or GREG?  Greg.  Good.  Glad we got that straight.  LET. IT. GO." 

In general, I've always been the kind of person who wants to help, who wants to solve things for others, who wants to carry other people's crosses.  My heart breaks when I watch people suffer.  I've had to learn many times in the hardest of ways that people often need to figure it out for themselves.  A wise friend once advised me about a guy I fell in love with for all the wrong reasons, "You can't save him.  You can only support him."  It took me a year to figure out what she meant, as I walked away from that relationship with a broken heart and shattered self-esteem.

As I learned in life, I could only support the newbie and the drinkers and the fidgeters.  I could only share with them my energy, my focus, and my lightheartedness.  I smiled at myself right before I tucked in my chin in standing forehead to knee.  When I fell backwards out of toe stand, I laughed.  Yeah.  They just had to figure it out for themselves.

There's No Place to Hide

Day 8 ONE

Yay yay yay YAY yogis and yoginis!  Today was the first day my body didn't feel achy and out of sorts.  Despite the complete head congestion, I attended the 4:30pm class.

I was initally confused of the class time.  Originally, I thought class was at 4:00 pm and was geared up and ready to go when I realized I had another 30 minutes, I suddenly lost all my motivation.  I worked myself up all day because I had trouble breathing through my nose.  For ten minutes, I rationalized why I should skip class:  "I can't breathe.  This must be a sign that I should push this off tomorrow.  I'll do better if I go tomorrow anyway.  I don't feel well.  I'm going to totally suck today"  I almost gave in but thought of The Missus' advice from a few days ago.  My goal was to "just get to the studio" and it made me move my tush.  I parked myself in the back corner of the room, which also happened to be next to the heating vent (mental note to self:  this is the hottest part of the room - love it!).  I planned to take it easy especially if hot wind was going to blowing on my body!  "There's now way this class is gonna be easy.  I can't breathe!  And breath is key!  I'm gonna have to sit some postures out, for sure," I thought to myself.

Caroline came in and introduced myself and identified all the students in the class.  When she finished, she looked straight at me and said, "JoJo, I know you are recovering from being sick but would you mind coming to the front row?  You've got a regular practice and it would be good for other students to see what's going on.  If you need to take it easy and sit down, you go ahead.  It's good for them to learn that that's okay too."

Well, so much for taking it easy!  There's something about being in the front row that makes me feel a responsibility to my fellow classmates.  I'm a huge believer of leading by example and being in the front row means you are the example.  It certainly keeps me honest:  I'm more focused, less likely to fidget, fix my hair/costume, wipe sweat off my face.  I remember when I first started bikram and when I got lost, I looked to the front row and was inspired by their focus, their poses, and their peace that was stolen by no one.  I was always inspired by them and I hope the beginners today took that from me today.  In return, I received their energy and determination.  As a result, I had a great class!  I did both sets of every posture although I stumbled off to the left as I pushed my hips to the left and bent to the right in the warm up for half moon.  I had to laugh.  I wasn't used to moving in 8 days!  

The congestion I felt these last three days (and for that matter, any other time I've felt congestion due to seasonal allergies), pranayama breathing cleared it right up.  It must be the powerful inhalation and exhalation.  Whatever the reason, my nasal passages always clear or at least loosens things up so that I could clear my nose.  It felt SO AWESOME to finally move and stretch my muscles.  My body opened up and said, "aaaaahhhhh."  It was so nice.  I was sweat soaked by the end of pranayama.  It was a juicy class indeed!  Every pose that required a locked knee, I felt and saw in the mirror the muscle just above my right knee (the old injury) twitching every time I came out of the pose and let it go slack.  My muscle hadn't done that since I started my bikram practice.  It was a reminder to keep that knee locked since the muscle must've weakened in the last week.  It was also great to just let my mind rest.  For 90 minutes, I wasn't living in my head.  It was such a relief!!!!!  I walked home with a spring in my step and a smile on my face.  I arrived home and when The Husband greeted me, he instantly recognized a different person.  "It's the old you," he exclaimed.  I was so happy!  I still am!!!

So here's a poll for you yogis and yoginis.  I'm not sure what I should do.  My intention for this challenge was to make this yoga my priority and truly go 101 days straight and only do a double if absolutely necessary.  With 7 missed classes, I could catch up with doubles so that I could finish with you all but only go a little over 90 days straight instead of 101.  The other option would be to reset my clock and treat today as day 1 of my challenge.  I suppose the final option would be a compromise and do 3 doubles and push back my end-date by four days.  What to do?  My teacher Caroline said that I should push my end-date back to April 19.  "Don't kill yourself.  That's not the point," she said.  I don't know.  I'm curious to hear what you all think.  Please leave a comment.  I would love to hear from you!!!

Breath is Key

After two days of propping up my sorry self in bed in order to sleep, it never fails to amaze me how much we take our breath for granted until, well, we can't breathe.

Ok, here's another cool etymology lesson!

In Latin, the word anima has several meanings.  It can mean air or breeze.  It means breath.  It also means soul, spirit, life. From anima, we have in English the word "animate", which means to breath life into, to encourage, to give vigor.  In Spanish,  the verb "animar" means to enliven, to cheer up, to brighten up, to encourage, and my favorite, to inspire.

I looked up the word inspire and here's what the online Miriam-Webster dictionary said: 

1 a : to influence, move, or guide by divine or supernatural inspiration b : to exert an animating, enlivening, or exalting influence on inspired by the Romanticists> c : to spur on : impel, motivate d : affect inspired him with nostalgia>
2 a archaic : to breathe or blow into or upon b archaic : to infuse (as life) by breathing
3 a : to communicate to an agent supernaturally b : to draw forth or bring out inspired by a visit to the cathedral>
4 : inhale 1
5 a : bring about, occasion inspired by his travels in the Far East> b : incite
6 : to spread (rumor) by indirect means or through the agency of anotherintransitive verb : inhale

Isn't it amazing that so many of the modern languages ties the breath to life to our soul to the divine in one word?  The ancients understood this connection and when language developed, one word was used to define what today may seem like disparate things.  Sure, we all accept that if we stop breathing, we die.  But do we all accept that our breath is our connection to the truest part of ourselves and to that which surrounds all of us, the divine?  Not necessarily.

I was amazed once when I stumbled upon a story of a few yoginis take 8 classes in one day.  They took it Global Yoga studio in San Francisco, owned by senior bikram instructor Mary Jarvis.  I was struck by her passionate opinion about the importance of breath (and the equal importance of not drinking water during class).  She writes:

They do not drink water ever in class. It is a demonstration of the fact that in yoga...the most important thing you need in our yoga is our BODY,our MIND,and our infinite stream of SOUL. And the BRIDGE to this is the BREATH...

Apparently, she learned this from Bikram himself.

I've noticed in this first winter of practicing, I have decreased my intake of water.  I still can't help myself from taking a sip at party time.  My throat gets so dry or sometimes, I get the worst bile-taste in my mouth after eagle, that I desperately want a sip.  I think at some point during this challenge, I would love to take one class without every having to drink.  I'm just curious how that would feel like.

Dad, This One is For You

Day 7


Whenever my father felt the first signs of illness, he always used to whip out the vaporizer.  I used to watch him as a child as he filled the brown vaporizer with water, drop some Vicks liquid, wait for the steam to rise, and stick his face in for 15 minutes.  I was mesmerized at the vapors.  Over the years, if I ever complained to my dad that I was getting sick, he always advised the vaporizer.  Guaranteed.  I never did listen to him until today, my third day of suffering terrible congestion.

As I walked to our nearby pharmacy (thankfully, we live within a 2 block radius of every kind of possible store we could need), I thought of my dad.  A dentist by trade, my father is the epitome of health.  He gets up at 4:30am daily and does his morning routine:  he walks briskly for 45 minutes with two pound dumb bells, returns home for breakfast, and then heads out to the market to buy the day's food.  His family has a history of diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart disease.  While his siblings take insulin and other medications, my father has managed to avoid the pills through strict diet and exercise.  I asked him on my recent trip to the Philippines if he felt any sorts of pain associated with aging that his peers often complain about.  "Nope," he answered.  Arthritis?  No.  Muscle stiffness?  No.  Indigestion, gas, acid reflux?  No.  I was impressed.  I'm half his age and suffer from chronic knee pain and various other joint issues.

I hope by the end of this challenge, I hope to feel the same way my dad feels.  I believe I get my discipline and determination from him.  So I dedicate my practice to my dad*, who is such an example to me of good health.  When I start to waver or have my down days, I'll ask myself, "What would dad do?"


*I can't dedicate a practice to one parent while leaving the other out.  So I also dedicate my practice to my mom, who is on her own health journey. 

Defeated

Day 6

When the mind says "no", you can often rationalize to make it think differently.  But when the body says "no", it means it.

I got up at 5:45am, intent on going to yoga but when I got up, my head felt like a boulder, clogged like a drain, I knew it wasn't going to happen.  I went back to bed and got up 3 hours later to go to work.  It took a while to get myself ready and get to work.  I should've taken it as a sign.  I arrived at 10:30 and then went to lunch with my colleagues courtesy of my boss, and then left at 4:30.  By the time I got home, I felt miserable.  Drained and totally congested with a slight fever.  I slept for a few hours until The Husband came home, bearing my requests of orange juice, lemons, hot and sour soup from the Chinese restaurant, and Vicks vapor rub.

This whole illness is teaching me patience.  I'm not learning it well, believe me.  In my mind, I'm thinking of all the work that is piling up and all the doubles I'll need to do to catch up in the challenge.  Despite all the lying down I've done these past few days, my mind is quite anxious.

Relax your mind.  Realx your mind.  RELAX. YOUR. MIND.  Open your heart. 

That's what Alicia as she ends her bikram class as we lie in final savasana.  Right now, opeing my heart seems a lot easier than relaxing my mind. I know one thing.  My body has raised a white flag.  It has to rest and refuses to have it any other way.  No ifs, ands, or buts, about it.

Food & Travel, My Other Loves

Day 5

Had to stay home again today although by the afternoon, I felt like a semi-human being even though my head was totally clogged.  All hopes of doing yoga in the evening were dashed since there was just no hope breathing through my nose.

Why is it that really long, hot showers always makes you feel better even when you mostly don't?  The hot steam really loosened things up and I took the opportunity to clean out my nasal passages using my neti pot.  It definitely provided some relief. 

I watched alot of TV today, considering I rarely watch TV at all.  I zeroed in on one of my favorite channel  and watched my favorite cooks Giada De Laurentiis, Ina Garten (aka The Barefoot Contessa), and Tyler Florence whip up delectable dishes.  Now, if I could only have Giada's kitchen with Ina's garden, and Tyler cooking nightly for The Husband and I, well, that would be a dream come true!  Ok, fine.  I'll settle for Giada's kitchen and Ina's garden.  And btw, how ADORABLE are the Neelys?  I interspersed some of the food episodes were some travel shows, particularly Globe Trekker.  It reminded me of how much I really love love to cook and how I would love to host my own travel show.

Heading back to work tomorrow and determined to get back to the sweat box.  With that, I leave you with one of the four Hong Kong video that I made last year for TripFilms, which focused on food.

Watch more of my videos at Tripfilms.com

Cabin Fever

Day 4

Woke up with a throat the felt like a cat clawed at it.  Feel a little better today but decided to spare my colleagues my germs and terrible cough.  I'm proud that The Husband still went to 7am bikram without me.  Starting to get cabin fever folks.  Thank goodness there's hot tea, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and online episodes of Cranford at PBS Masterpiece to prevent me from going totally crazy.  All these Anglophilic amusements are suddenly making me want to visit England.

What the frak?!

Day 3

Well, I had a whole, eloquent post written and by the accidental press of a button on my keyboard, poof!  It's gone.  GONE!  I can't retrieve it and I'm too frakkin' frustrated right now to re-write what took me about 45 minutes to conjure.

Suffice it to say, my original post was about convalescing, not going to yoga for a second day, and feeling left out of the action.  I used the metaphor of a marathon race and how the start gun just fired and all of us, giddy with excitement were moving past the start line, eager to start the challenge, and how suddenly, I tripped.  I had to bend down and tie my shoelaces while the crowd left me behind in it's wake.  I  am happy for the rest of you who have completed three classes and it is such great fun reading your blog updates.  Nevertheless, I can't help but feel frustrated that I can only account for one class while everyone else is on their third or fourth.

Then I recounted about going with The Husband to church today in the bitter cold and how it sapped all my energy.  That's when I knew I wasn't back to my 100% strength.  With my hood up and head down, I held The Husband's arm and allowed him to lead the way without having to look up as we crossed streets and dodged people on the sidewalk.  Then it transitioned to the concept of trust and how it so nicely coincided with today's Feast of the Epiphany in church, where three wise men followed a star to Bethlehem and upon finding the baby Jesus, presented Him with gifts of gold, frankinsence, and myrrh.  Further explanations about the importance of trust and how the wise mean serve as examples of how trusting the process in our lives and in our yoga is good for us.  And there you have it.  My vanished post just haphazardly recreated with such disinterest and dismay.  Arrrrrrrgh!

Signing off now and hoping tomorrow, I am 100% better (and less cranky) to return to work and go back to yoga.  Peace out.

The Best Laid Plans

The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often askew

 - Robert Burns

Day 2

The plan was to go to 10am yoga and meet some of friends, one of whom was from out of town, at the Met to see the samurai exhibit.  For dinner, we would go to a Japanese yakitori for some beer and grilled goodies. 

Today, I woke up and said, "uh oh."  My body was achy and my throat sore.  I was fighting a bug since Wednesday and all the running around this past week finally caught up with me.  My body proclaimed its revolt.  I still toyed with the idea of attending the 10am bikram class but when I didn't feel better, I pushed it back to 12noon and then to 4:30pm.  The Husband thought I was insane.  "You have a fever!" he exclaimed, incredulous at my stubbornness or delusion, I couldn't tell.  "Do you want to rest today, get better so that you just miss one day of yoga or do you want to go, push yourself, get even more sick, and miss several days of yoga?" he asked.  He was my voice of reason and as I looked to my bedside table, I saw the signs -- a mug full of hot water, lemon, and honey; echinacea; cough drops; kleenex -- and knew he was right.  I acquiesced to staying in bed.

When my mind remained undecided, I felt restless.  Even though I was trying to get some rest in bed, I was anxious.  My mind raced.  You have to go to yoga.  You committed to going 101 days straight.  You can't quit now, it's only the second day.  You are not determined enough.  Think of the disappointment you'll feel if you don't go.  Those thoughts and all sorts of others whirled through my mind.  They came to a complete stop after I agreed to stay home.  After that, I finally managed to close my eyes and go to sleep.

The Latin word caedere means to cut, to kill.  English words that end in -cide have their root in caedere (my HS required us to take two years of Latin so thank you to all my Latin teachers for teaching me this fun fact).  The more widely known words are suicide, homicide, genocide, pesticide and fungicide.  There are hundreds more words that end in -cide but the one we practice daily in our lives and in our yoga is this one:  decide.  When we make a decision, other options become irrelevant.  Today, I decided to honor my body and give it the rest it deserves.  In doing so, I silenced my mind.

In bikram, we practice silencing our minds using pinpoint focus and breath.  We decide to let the teacher lead us.  We decide to stick a pose and commit to it.  We decide to listen to our bodies in order to go deeper or to back off.  We decide to find stillness in between postures.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed about not going to yoga today.  But I have decided to look on the bright side:  missing yoga today is an opportunity to do a double, something I have never done before.

A fresh start, a new beginning

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.

- T.S. Eliot

Day 1

Happy New Year everyone!

I rolled out of bed 9:15am this morning, awoken by an alarm clock so that I could attend the only class offered by my nearby studio at 10am.  I slept at 2:30 this morning after a large meal of lots of noodles (pancit canton represented the Filipino variety and spaghetti for the Italian variety) for long life and round things (meatballs, brussel sprouts, mandarines, grapefruits, grapes, and pancakes -- yes they are flat but circular so I guess they count) for prosperity.  This is a Filipino tradition to ring in the new year that my family has done as early as I can remember and if The Husband and I are in town, we do it at our home and have my mother over.

With an unsettled stomach and sleep dust still in my eyes, I walked to the studio along a desolate street.  Remnants from the night's festivities remained -- firecracker paper, broken plastic new year's hats, trash.  "Please don't let me be the only one in class," I thought to myself as I looked around and saw no one.  Thankfully, I walked into the studio lobby and there was life.  Eight students were guided today by Caroline, a sweet teacher whose instructions were so clear that I all I could was completely entrust myself into her hands. 

My old knee injury decided to make its appearance at awkward pose, first set.  Halfway through the second part of awkward, I felt a sharp twinge and came out early and by the time we got to the third part, the most uncomfortable feeling in my knee (as if a huge air bubble was in there waiting to burst) admittedly scared me to go down no more than 3 inches.  I bit my lip, tried to let it go and tried to breath normally.  All I could do was stand there with my arms up and tight.  I wonder if it's my mind or my body telling me to back off when I get that uncomfortable "air bubble" feeling.  It's not sharp, acute pain but there is such immense pressure that my breath goes out of wack and that's my cue to back off.  Any thoughts out there fellow yogis?

During our long savasana as we transitioned between the standing and floor series, Caroline said, "while the rest of Astoria sleeps through their hangovers, you are here doing yoga."  I smiled.  I never did any kind of exercise on New Year's Day and it felt great to start the day, to start the new year with an activity that focuses on me.  There are many traditions I do for the near year like the midnight dinner or wearing polka dots (remember circles represent prosperity!).  Perhaps doing yoga could be a new tradition I add to the list.